It’s pride month. Story time. More of my origin story. Last ..

It’s pride month. Story time. More of my origin story. Last June after some encouragement from a friend who told me her own story of coming out I finally opened up about my desires and fantasies and asked my wife a question.
“Honey, what if I was gay?” I asked.
“What? Why are you asking? You’re not gay.” She answered.
“Yeah but what if I was?” I asked again.
“What do you mean ‘what if I was’? You’re not gay.” She said again.
“But, what if I really was?” I asked a third time.
She stopped what she was doing in the kitchen and looks at me. She laughingly answers back again, “You’re not gay. You wanna know how I know you’re not gay??”
“Yes,” I said, “how do you know I’m not gay?”
“Because you always want to hump me. You never can seem to keep your hands off me. That’s how I know you’re not gay. If you were gay you wouldn’t be interested.”
It was then the realization came to me that I was asking the wrong question altogether.
So I asked it differently.
“Ok. So I’m not gay. Ok. So…what if I was Bi?”
When I asked her that question she seemed to answer it fairly quickly maybe without giving too much reaction maybe to try not to make it seem like a big deal.
But she replied, “Well if you’re Bi you’re Bi. Why? Do you think you’re Bi?
“Well, yeah, maybe,” I say, “there are just things I’ve always been turned on at the thought of doing. And I’ve never talked about them. And they’re definitely not straight.”
“Well if you’re Bi it’s ok. I love you.”

Later that night in bed I asked the question again. And told her in detail some of the things I’ve always been so afraid to say to her.
“I never said anything about these things before because when we were younger I was so worried about scaring you away that I just never talked about it. So I’ve been hiding these feelings inside my whole life. And as your husband I owe it to you, that if we’ve spent this much of our lives together and plan to spend the rest of our lives together, that you should get to know all of me. I just want you to know me because I’m so tired of hiding from myself.”
After it all came out. She looked at me anew, with eyes full of love, as if she was seeing me for real for the very first time. I asked her what she thought.

She said, “You know what I think? I think that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard you say. I love you so much. Thank you for sharing so deeply with me.”
And then she blew my mind by saying this.
“I have to confess as well.” And she continued, “I’ve felt the exact same way all my life. That I wanted to experiment with another woman but I was so afraid to talk about it or try it because, well, I love you and I’m committed to you.”
I literally fell in love with her all over again in that moment. I finally felt safe. And she did too. Both of us.
I explained that no matter where we go from here, I have no interest in leaving, or starting a new life or falling in love with anyone else. I’m here for good. And for forever. But that….
“I just have a few kinks I need to get out of the hose.”
After that conversation it wasn’t long before we talked about only fans. And before I knew it, the stay_at_home_dilf came to life.
Today is the first day of pride month. And this morning while getting my haircut I talked with the mom cutting my Mohawk about pride month being not so much about feeling “proud” but more so about not feeling so scared anymore. For the first time in my life I wasn’t scared of what I liked and was able to verbalize it for the very first time to the woman I love with all my heart. Because why? She makes me feel safe.
Everyone deserves to feel safe. If you’re afraid, it’s ok, you don’t have to come out yet. Just know that I’m here and I support you and this will always be a safe space for those who stand in ridicule of just wishing they could be themselves.
Be you. Thank you.